Thursday, August 15, 2013

I only watch Patlabor when I'm sad

Hey all, bit of a new thing for the ol' Collegia in that I'm going to discuss some OT stuff (given the already vague mission statement of this blog that's really saying something). See, last night I finally finished watching the OVA of Patlabor. What is Patlabor? Well it's a classic anime by the producer of Ghost in the Shell about a police-mecha unit.

I was first exposed to Patlabor, like many I suspect through the movies (of which there are 3).

But the one that really sticks with me more than the others is the third:

See, this is the movie I watched with my two best friends when I had what was then the worst experience of my life. I'd just bought it and needed to do something to occupy my mind. So we sat on the couch, not really talking, watching this quite dark, brooding movie and it helped.

And since then I've only been able to watch Patlabor when I'm depressed.

I suffer from frequent, very severe depression and when it hits it can be very debilitating. As some of you will have likely picked up that's the reason behind this post, and for the lack of updates.

Last weekend I took a knife to my wrist it got so bad.

Not what you were expecting, I would imagine, given my fairly happy-go-lucky attitude I usually post with.
But that's the thing - often people mask how they feel inside since they don't want to be a burden to others or they want to preserve times of brief happiness with friends and forget (or bury) their troubles, or not feel worthy of support, or... well, that's beside the point. The point being that someone can be in incredible pain inside and be hiding it very well, unable to express it until it comes out in a drastic manner (I'm ok, well, I'm doing better at least - I have good support around me and I made a mess more than any real damage).

"Fake it 'til you make it", is how it often goes, but reality is often harsher than that.

I'm not really sure what my point is here. I guess saying to those reading this to look out for each other, and take the time with the people you care about to listen to them and hear what they're saying. So if you have a friend who's suddenly "watching a lot of Patlabor", they might be too scared to say what's really on their mind. Please, take the time to check up on them as even if they don't tell you something's wrong, just being there, silently on the couch next to them, may be all they need to know someone's there.

It's only because of people around me who care that I'm able to get through times when everything around me is dark.